Boundaries-get it together.

6/4/2025

So idoa has left with the signed paperwork to change healthcare agencies. i was so eager for it to get done i rushed mom into signing the papers without reading. usually representative will go the forms this represented didnt. i would sound stupid to ask revealing i didnt read the paperwork.  some poa am i. 

i witnessed the rep take of photo of my moms bsnk statements, state id, and ss card but didnt at least take a photo of the signed documtnts. how stupid of me?

the irony here is that i scutinize tonjah before loaning her money for car repair but not the idoa reprep. 

at times i feel mentally drained when it comes to mom. at times i tend to run out  energy and interests. 

now her grandson dough has called annoucing his arrival to visit her, that was 20 minutes ago.

i must coach myself into allowing this. nothing wrong with him wanting to visit his granny, its just id prefer a scheduled  visit nothing spontaneous. so out of inconvenience mom was moved downstairs for this 'visit'. 

'ella! that ws dough on the phone they say they coming out here to see me.

where is your purse?

why? i aint got no money. 

nd if you did they aint getting any. youre going downstairs for this visit.

ella also took care into replacing her cigarettes. leaving just one in the box with her lighter.

i aint going no where!

oh yes you are, its raining outside, im not having them come in tracking the stairs and floor.

she gave me that look over her glasses.

ella set her up with kleenex, her drink, but placed her cigaette and ashtray on the table out of reach.

can i that cigarette?

tell them to give it to you once they arrive. the door is unlocked so tell them to come in when they knock. im going upstairs.

Ella- was establishing boundaries.  she was reciprocating inconveniences  to her mom and to those that visit (the nephews). at the end of the visit they will be asked to place her into her stairlifter before they leave. it is with hopes this can occur each time they visit. 40 minutes has passed and they have not arrived.  

the door was mistkingly lock - come in she yelled.

the door is locked

oh, damn, still have to come to let them in. she said to self as she went down the stairs.

dough already drunk and in his feelings. why you gotta be like that man?

be lke what girl?

 thats see thats that shit im talking bout.

what are you trying to say daogh? im no mind reader and i dont speak slang, at least ypour dialect.

people come in nd they act like they owe you something,

well yeah, its clled respect, dough. just come in and have a seat.

jeremy came in asking if his lady can come in along with her friend. dominique who smelled of liquer and was overly appreciative. 

thank you, i mean no disrespect.

im sure you dont, have a seat.

ok thanks.

ella was reluctant but accepted them ill n. concerns for airbourn germs around herself and mom.

they crowded around mom towering over her.dough still i his feelings bout to spill his beer ella saw it and called him on it

hey watch it!

i see it, i got it.

ok no harmm intended nephew.

naw man, you be tripping.

you know dough you need to relax, come over here have a seat. you doing all that talking and not sayinga nything. hey you got mail.

she handed him some child support mail as he sat down. 

oh wow. this came from Iowa and it would come at a time like this.

well, now you really have to get yourself together before you return to prison on a deadbeat daddy charge.

 i have an announcement.  me and cash getting married.

what? why? ella asked

shyt all you have to do is go to city hall, you dont need no big wedding them the marriages that dont last long.

yeah well we its been three years, actually today our anniversary when we first met.

genuinekly happy for them as for the change of topic.

yeah, she the one. jeremy said.

aww, tha sound so scripted, yet sincere. im happy for you both.

cashe pulled ella to whisper its really business motvated. we been toghet three yeaars and he has been a liabilty more than an asset. i aint getting any younger and ....

i know, you dont have to explain. you haveboundaries and standards. and besides he dont have enough credits to get ocial security so what else to do but get a life insurance policy on his ass. youre entitled to smething for the stress he causes you. just keep my nepheew alive well after two years before youre eliglee to collect.  with all this killing going on, peolpe have better chance cashing a life insurance policy than a lottery ticket.

wow, i havent heard it like that before.

well, not to be a brute. but tht reality.

ella thought of Goddness, not for monetary resons but for a desired union. at this point she was longing for a relationship, some companionship, outside of her friendships.

yeah this my ldy hee who been holidng it down for me from day one. she aint no buster either. she was strapping lil sis up.

yeah and took me three weeks to heal from that too.

oh so youre the one odd was fighting in the alley?

yeah I thught we were grown enough to have a conversaton till she threatened to kick my ass. oops sorry. a(apologic for swearing) but she stepped in my face and pushed her back. and thats what started it all.

im like we too old to be out here strapping like teenagers, i mean sure use these (held up her fist) to live another day but im too old and rather use my words."

ella didnt want to chime into gaining an allie in cashe in regards to odd. so tried her best to keep the story of events to herself. ella had tried not to use odds name in any conversatio and when she did she say opps i said her name, twice i better light an incent to cleanse the air.

dough who had disappeared to the washroom cvame out apologiing for his anger. 

i dont know i get so angry. it just so overwhelming.

well its a start you recognized it, now you must apply methods to control it. sam-e i llike to call my daily happy pill. nd when you come into a stressful situation drink a glass of cold water, breath, count to five, ten, or count to whatever number it take for you to calm down. you may have high blood pressure besides anger issues.

yeah, youre right Tee.

Ms. Linda

both of her legs are amputated and she has limited use of her hands. the situation saddens me between because it is her brother who lives with her that is illiterate once was physically functional now stumbles when he walks.

'uh, how you work this thing?"  he's referring to the microwave. 

whats going on ken? you know how to work the microwave,  just push the start button."

linda told ella that he couldn't read, but she needed to confirm from him,

this button right here, START." she pointed at it emphatically then stressed that it was on the right side on the panel.

uh right here?'

ella's patience became short.  it was difficult for her not to speak condescendingly.

'yes ken, right there on your right, now press it.'

he continued to press on the side of the square rather in the middle.  his thumb was big, she guided his thumb to press the start button. 

she could have placed the food into the oven but that meant being there longer than wanted. then risk ken acting as if he didnt know how to work the oven.

she sense that he felt left out of getting the attetion given to his sister.  ella tried to include him into her and linda's conversaton.  he is a busy body, creating things to do even if its sabbatoging efforts.  ella placed a cup of soup on the counter set for later, he hovered over it long enough to knock it over to spill on the counter.

ella's face softened to a droop as she walked pass him without saying word. she wasnt gonna stay to clean it up. 

"ok linda, ill see tomorrow night."  she dislike telling her when she'd return because she didnt want to return.  the stench of rotted flesh, the amonia strenth urine, and manuevering her as she endures the pain of the bedsore that has deteriorated her backside.  it created a hand size cavity that needed a gauze pack to absorb the drainage. the visual was horrific and smell was worst. once home ella would snorkel mouthwash to remove what she thought were vapors that ingrained in her nasal memory.

she has set her pro bono schedule that allowed her no mornings on wednesday and saunday. saving her Sabbath from the start of friday's sunset to saturday sunset. lionda offered to pay for her cash for saturday evening. ella agreed. 

now her niece is trying to manipulater her saturday evening to morning.  ella sent her the schedule, her husband took a photo of it.  her text rerads,  ill pay you the $25 for saturday. ella sent a text of correction, saturday evening. then she replies if i can service linda on saturday.  now ellas patience is running short. for what she thought was consideration for the yo

ungins evening weekends by taking saturday AND Sunday here she go flipping script to saturday morning.  NO!

my boundaries are set to establish certainty and structure in my life. there is a relief when events happens as scheduled. a relief when you have the xact change at the cashier. in confidence when your debit card purchase is approved.  

the stress build up lies into my boundaries are not abided, even on general principle of common courtesy. it has not even been a week since this schedule has been set and she is (linda's niece) deviating the schedule.  NO!